I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
