i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
