Pappa wants mamma naked
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
