If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Michael Bay diarrhea
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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