I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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