it was like eating out sand paper
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
