you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
