Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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