do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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