Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
