yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
