i always forget guys have bellybuttons
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
