it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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