I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
