Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
