I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
