In the future we'll all be gay
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
