I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
