I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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