We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
