I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
