I'm jealous of your bromance
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize