You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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