At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
