shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
