So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
