And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
