im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
