I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
