her vagine was all disorganized.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
