At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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