...so i touched it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sex in a hospital.. check
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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