Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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