this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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