I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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