Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
