Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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