the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
