I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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