what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
