is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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