no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
