You made me cry and you don't even care
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
