then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
