So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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