what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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