he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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