I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
