i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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