the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
