I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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