Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
