I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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