I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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