Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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