We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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