Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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