i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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