Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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