what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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