I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
