I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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