I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
