woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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