Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
