Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize